Last Edited Dan M on 1-Feb-2006 10:47 PM

Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!

Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and
a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2005:

We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we
should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

Caution! These people Vote!

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was North because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, (and has for sometime), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff"...

She ALSO votes!

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I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" . . .

He ALSO votes!

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My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore.
She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving". .

She ALSO votes!
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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped She keeps it in the trunk....

My sister ALSO votes!

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My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount...

He ALSO votes!
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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?". . .

SHE ALSO votes!

A friend stopped at a pay- at- the- pump gas station to get gas.
Once she filled her gas tank and after paying at the pump and starting to
leave, the voice of the attendant inside came over the speaker. He told her
that something happened with her card and
that she needed to come inside to pay. The lady was very confused
because the transaction showed
complete and approved. She relayed that to him and was getting
ready to leave but the attendant, once again urged her to come
in to pay or there would be trouble. She proceeded to to go inside and she
started arguing with the
attendant about his threat. He told her to calm down and listen very
carefully:
He said that while she was pumping gas, a guy slipped into the back seat of
her car on the other side and the attendant had already called the police.

She became frightened and looked out in time to see her car door open and
the guy had slipped out.

This report is that, there is a new gang initiation thing, it is to bring
back a women and or her car to the gang hangout.
One way they are doing this is crawling under women's cars while the women
is getting gas.
. The other way is slipping into unattended cars and kidnapping women, this
new gang is all around the Markham, Newmarket, Toronto,
Bradford, Aurora, Brampton, and other surrounding areas of
Ontario. PLEASE BE EXTRA CAREFUL!!!
Please pass this on to other women, young and old alike. Be
extra careful going to and from your car at night. If at all possible do
not go alone!!!!!
This is Real!!!!!!!

The Message:

1. ALWAYS LOCK YOUR CAR DOORS, EVEN IF YOU'RE GONE FOR JUST A SECOND.
2.CHECK UNDERNEATH YOUR CAR WHEN APPROACHING IT FOR REENTRY, AND CHECK
THE BACK BEFORE GETTING IN.

3. ALWAYS BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS AND OF
OTHER INDIVIDUALS IN YOUR GENERAL VICINITY,
PARTICULARLY AT NIGHT!!!
SEND THIS TO EVERYONES SO YOUR FRIENDS CAN TAKE

PRECAUTION...AND GUYS.......YOU TELL ANY WOMEN
YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS!!!!!!

"Just as water has no constant shape, adapt as you face the enemy."

"Without deception you cannot carry out strategy, without strategy you cannot control the opponent."

"Draw them in with the prospect of gain, take them by confusion."

"Be careful in the beginning, and you will have no trouble in the end."

"Those who are skilled in combat do not become angered, those who are skilled at winning do not become afraid. Thus the wise win before they fight, while the ignorant fight to win."

"A skilled attack is one against which opponents do not know hot to defend; a skilled defense is one which opponents do not know how to attack."

"By seeing opportunities before they are visible to others and being quick to act, the uncanny warrior can take situations by the throat before matters get out of hand."